We shared Lisanne’s (26) dilemma on Facebook. The dilemma was, “Can I require my husband to go out less?” Many Famme readers had an opinion on this.
And so we share a selection of the reactions.
Going out less?
“I am currently pregnant with our second child. My husband likes to go out and he still does on a regular basis. Don’t get me wrong, I really don’t mind if he goes out every now and then. Only lately he has been in the pub more and more often on Friday evenings and I am at home with our daughter. And instead of crawling into bed next to me around 1 am, he doesn’t come back until late at night, only to lie in bed all Saturday morning. To what extent can I require my husband to go out less?”
Opinions of Famme readers
Opinions on this subject are divided. Below you can read the opinions of Famme readers about Lisanne (26)’s dilemma: “Can I require my husband to go out less?”
Distinguish between facts and feelings
Elisa – “He still seems to take on his responsibility and part of his duties, but you feel differently. Perhaps – and understandably – because of your pregnancy. But I would continue to try to distinguish between facts and feelings. Feeling makes you lump everything together, while that is not right.”
Go around the table
Haedis – “I would sit down with him for a good conversation. Tell what’s bothering you and what you expect. You always have to talk and not keep it bottled up.”
Other ways of fun
Gerdien – “I would look at other ways of socializing if he needs it. Instead of going to the pub, ask people to join you for dinner and make something cozy at home.”
Get out of bed at 10 a.m. on Saturday
Hanneke – “You have to make clear agreements about this. I think it bothers you that he stays in bed for a long time on Saturdays. Suggest that it’s fine if he needs something for himself after a week’s work, but that’s for the family, not with the family. So dude, fine that you go out, but then I want you to just get out of bed around 10 a.m. on Saturday to spend time with the family. Good luck and hopefully you find a solution.”
Your old life is over
Caroline – “I don’t understand that, we never did. I think as a man you better stay alone. Your life of ‘before’ is just over. That’s okay, you change yourself too.”
Children need attention on weekends
Dimitria – “It should be possible to go out, but then stay in bed all Saturday, not. That’s being an adult and being a parent. If he works all week, the kids need his attention on the weekends. As a mother you don’t get a chance to sleep in, do you? But he must certainly be able to do fun things, because he is not just a father or a husband.”
To the playground
Renee – “Going out is fine, but just Saturday at 10 a.m. with HIS child to the playground, so that you can do something for yourself.”
Lenie – “He is busy making it a habit and it just creeps in, one step at a time. I wonder if his friends are all married too. If not, I’d sit down and explain what’s bothering you. Even if his friends aren’t married or anything like that, I would do this, you’ll have two kids soon.”
Don’t give pleasure
Sarah – “What a loving response. I’m really surprised that no one gives pleasure to their partner here…. It is perfectly possible to be a good responsible partner and maintain a full life. Stop enslaving those you supposedly ‘like’.”
Every other week
Serena – “You can arrange that he goes out every other week and not every week?”
Missed delivery: ‘My phone went out while going out’
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