9 lessons I learned from the book De Berg, Dat Ben Jij

A PDF with very large Read Copy in thick black letters through each page. Not my choice, but we received this from publisher Kosmos, so that I could write a review about this book. I was very curious about the book and so I started to read bravely and every now and then I missed something, because certain words were omitted behind the text Read copy. Yet I was immediately grabbed. It felt like it was written especially for me!

The book The Mountain, That’s You, is a new book by bestselling author Brianna Wiest. The most striking thing about the book is that apparently I am not the only one who struggles with certain behaviors. I’ll get back to that in a minute. After the first 50 pages I decided to buy the e-book myself first, so that I could continue reading without irritation. And then I also bought the book itself. Because this book really needs to be on my desk at home, so that I can apply more and more from it. That shows that I really think the book is worth it.

A review cannot accurately tell you what to expect from this book. That would be too general. That’s why I’m sharing the 9 lessons from the book and if that triggers you too, then I advise you to read the book completely. And to process the tips in your life. It helps me a lot and since I’ve read the book, I’ve been working on it all the time.

Self sabotage

The main theme of this book is self sabotage. That’s something we all struggle with in certain areas. Explained very black and white: self-sabotage makes you come up with excuses not to do something, or to explain why you can’t do something.

You may be very driven in one area and see no bears in your path (that mountain actually). While in another area you sabotage yourself. Like a top athlete who is fully focused on a sports competition, but has absolutely no plan for the future and does not want to think about it.

Instead of self sabotage you can also call it limiting beliefs. You are convinced that you cannot lose weight, because you have a family that is all a bit overweight. You are convinced that you can only read a book if you have peace of mind during a holiday.

Self-sabotage on things you like

I’m so happy to read this that I’m not the only one who does. It’s so recognizable to me. I was very happy with the fact that this book mentions it so specifically. For example, I keep putting off all the fun tasks of my work. I feel like I should always do the things that feel like “work” first. When I’m doing something I enjoy, even if it’s for work, I feel like I’m loafing.

That’s weird isn’t it? I seem to have the idea that work should be a bit of suffering. Maybe because I turned my hobby into my profession and created some kind of ideal business for myself. According to the author of the book, Brianna Wiest, I may be at the top of my happiness and then I don’t allow myself any more fun around my company. It sounds a little strange, but when I read it (and Brianna makes this very clear in her book), I finally understood my behavior. Understanding your behavior is the starting point for change.

I’m also very curious who recognizes that, that you don’t make time for fun things, but quickly choose something that you feel more ‘must’? That can of course be in all kinds of areas. Brianna Wiest also mentions this conflicting desires.

9 lessons I learned from the book De Berg, Dat Ben Jij

So the point is that you don’t do something, or that it doesn’t work out, because you create a mountain for yourself and you don’t feel that that mountain is feasible for you. You come up with all kinds of reasons for that mountain, but really it’s only in your head. Think of a study, losing weight, a new job, a dream vacation, sports goals, starting a business, traveling alone, a course, and so on.

Because I find so much recognition in the book and this is by far the best book of 2022 that I’ve read, I’d like to share some good lessons from the book De Berg, Dat Ben Jij.

1 You become attached to your problems

What an eye opener. Having problems is also a kind of comfort zone, although that sounds very contradictory. But if you think very carefully and honestly about your own problems, do you recognize that? That is often unconscious behavior, because if you ask about it, no one wants to have problems.

The bottom line is that we are better at surviving than at thriving. We feel less resistance when we have to solve a problem, while really enjoying something often find it difficult and special (sometimes feels a bit embarrassing if that happens too often).

2 Self sabotage is hard to spot

Often you don’t even know that you are sabotaging yourself in a certain area. But maybe you recognize these signals after all?

• You mainly know what you don’t want, but you don’t really know what you do want.
• You want respect from people who don’t like you that much.
• You quickly stick your head in the sand.
• You are mainly concerned with showing others how well you are doing, instead of focusing on yourself.
• You want to be liked.
• You want the approval of others.
• You are afraid of your own feelings.
• You give in to doubts more than to opportunities.
• You are often too hesitant.
• You don’t really realize what you’ve already achieved.

3 Instincts are not feelings but are reactions

There is a lot of attention for the gut feeling. If you react instinctively to someone or a situation, it doesn’t have much to do with the sixth sense according to Wiest. It is a response to past experiences. You have no instinct about what will happen in the future. What you do then is project your expectation based on previous experiences.

4 We especially want

When we achieve something, it only gives a feeling of success for a very short time. We quickly move on to the next goal. We are more focused on wanting things than being satisfied with what we have.

As a result, we unconsciously sabotage ourselves. Because if we achieve a goal, we can not only enjoy it briefly, you know that in many cases you can also lose it again. That gives a certain pressure. Think about maintaining the ideal weight. Setting the fastest time as an athlete. A study that needs updating. Cleaning up a house.

5 You can only change your behavior permanently with microsteps

Often we think that we will change in big steps (a breakthrough). There are turning points, but permanent changes are often accompanied by micro-shifts.

You can change your behavior with very small steps. For example, when you get up you do 5 squats and nothing else. That’s a small, easy step, but it can be a step in moving more and living healthier. Don’t suddenly try to make yourself a very sporty person.

Because going back to what I wrote earlier:
We often resist the things we want most. (quote page 128).

For example, if you want to lose weight, and you really want to, it can be incredibly difficult to do it. You would like to start your own business, but you don’t dare to take any steps. Or fill it in for yourself.

It can then help to work towards your goal with very small steps. This way you bypass the resistance.

6 Our brain does its best to confirm your beliefs

We also call this confirmation bias. We seek confirmation of something we already think. Our brain filters out information that doesn’t support our ideas and focuses on information that reinforces our beliefs. For example, it is difficult to break free from self-sabotage due to limiting beliefs that are constantly being confirmed.

An important insight that helps you break this pattern!

7 We make a lot of thinking mistakes

A nice example in the book: we think like Google. Suppose you are looking for something in Google and it already completes the search for you. The same goes with thinking. Often you think in assumptions, but they are not based on facts. You are actually drawing a conclusion based on previous experiences, but they don’t have to be correct. In fact, they are often incorrect. You supplement a situation with thoughts that make the most sense to you, but don’t have to be true.

Our fallacies are, in most cases, a bigger problem than the problems we think we have.

8 Let go of the past

Many people struggle with letting go of something. Letting go of emotions, letting go of habits, letting go of worrying, and so on. We often think back and connect past experiences with the future. Yet you really can’t let go of the past that easily, but it is important that you do.

Letting go means you have to move on through your emotions. Just as long until you are ready for a new step. The more we force ourselves to leave something behind, the harder it is. Especially if you hold on to one emotion (e.g. anger) instead of going through the real emotion (sadness).

Often there is another desire under the sadness, but we put it on that person or situation. You can go back to that situation in your mind and view it as the wise, healed you. How do you look back on that situation? What did you learn from it? What wisdom would you give yourself about this situation?

9 Planners move on

Mentally strong people are planners according to Wiest. Do you want good long-term results? Then make a plan. Think ahead and prepare.

Let go of what other people think about your plans. Many people suffer from it spotlight complex. Thinking that everything revolves around you and everyone has an opinion about what you do. Whereas in most cases, most people don’t care what you do. Maybe they say something, but then they just go on with their lives and they are no longer concerned with you. So you don’t have to take that into account.

Do you still suffer from triggers that disrupt your plan? Then realize that triggers can teach you something. What still hurts? Where is the obstacle to growth? See a trigger as a signal that you have to do something with, in order to continue growing afterwards. Then pick up your plan again.

Do you find this interesting? Then definitely consider buying the book. You can order the book here.

Even more tips

The book The Mountain, That’s You, mainly provides a lot of insights, but also assignments that you can pick up. It is a book that you should apply directly to yourself. Write down your own issues as you read. What do you recognize from the book and what is your situation? This way you can apply the lessons and tips from this book in a very practical way.

Something that I have not mentioned above, for example, is the tip to keep your environment tidy. It’s also sabotaging to sit at a cluttered desk. Oops, I always say I’m messy because I’m such a creative person, but that’s just an excuse. Secretly I also know that I benefit more from a spacious desk and good planning.

Practical information

Are you interested in the book De Berg Dat Ben Jij? I can recommend that you buy the book and also make a kind of summary with concrete examples for yourself. This makes it easier to record everything and you can also quickly find something to read again.

It is very easy to read, but that may also make you go too fast and not get what you can out of it. Day is a shame!

Title: The Mountain, That’s You
Subtitle: Stop self-sabotage and open up your world
Author: Brianna Wiest

Publisher: Cosmos
ISBN: 978 90 4392 573 0
Number of pages: 260
Paperback

Price: 21.99
Buy this book here